went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
