I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize