Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
