I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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