She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
