I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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