hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
