what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
