I want to have your abortion
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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