I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
