You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
