I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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