I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
