Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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