drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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