How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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