Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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