Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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