I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
