hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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