i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
