Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize