Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I need to stop coming to work sober
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
