you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
