you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
