You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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