So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
