Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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