Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
