After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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