Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
