who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
