Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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