So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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