you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
