The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
