My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
