Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
