Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
