Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
