I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
