Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
