you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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