Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
she looked like the before picture.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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