those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You ruined the universe
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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