all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
