I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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