Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
