She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
