You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
