he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
