I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
