The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sorry about my life...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize