i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
