there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
