So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize