Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
