Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
