You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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