hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
