Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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