Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
